The Phosphorist

“Possessing Waters, Spewing Green Goo!”

Where It Strikes: Fox River, Lake Winnebago, Green Bay

The Phosphorist is here—an evil force that takes control of lakes and rivers, just like a demonic possession in The Exorcist. It uses phosphorus from fertilizers, grass clippings, and animal waste as its unholy fuel, spreading thick, green algae blooms that choke the life out of every waterway it touches. Under the Phosphorist’s grip, fish gasp for oxygen, plants wilt, and the once-beautiful waters are transformed into slimy, stinking nightmares.

Like a possessed soul, the lake becomes corrupted—its clear waters replaced by murky, algae-filled sludge. And just like an exorcism gone wrong, the Phosphorist keeps returning after every storm, bringing new blooms and foul odors. Unless the right steps are taken, this toxic force will haunt our rivers and lakes forever.

How to Fight It:

• Use fertilizers only when necessary, and keep grass clippings away from storm drains.
• Support watershed-friendly practices with help from the Fox-Wolf Watershed Alliance.

Where It Strikes: Lake Winnebago, Fox River, Wolf River

Clingers are like the Clickers from The Last of Us—unstoppable, relentless, and spreading wherever they can latch on. These zombie-like zebra mussels invade lakes and rivers, clinging to boats, docks, and water pipes with an iron grip. Once they infest a waterway, they multiply fast, draining the nutrients that fish and plants need to survive. With fewer native species thriving, the water becomes too clear—making the perfect environment for harmful algae to grow.

Just like in a post-apocalyptic world, the Clingers creep silently from lake to lake, hitching rides on boats and fishing gear. Their jagged shells litter beaches, cutting into bare feet, while colonies clog water pipes and infrastructure. Without action, the Clingers will spread through the Fox-Wolf Watershed, turning vibrant ecosystems into lifeless wastelands faster than a horde of Clickers on the move.

How to Fight It:

• Always clean, drain, and dry boats after use to stop the spread.
• Learn more about prevention from Wisconsin DNR: Clean Boats, Clean Waters.

Where They Strike: Great Lakes, Rivers, and Streams near Green Bay

Beware the Lampire—a sea lamprey terror lurking in rivers and lakes, feeding on fish like a vampire of the deep. With its suction-cup mouth full of sharp teeth, it clamps onto its prey and drains their blood, leaving them too weak to survive. This invasive creature has slithered into the Great Lakes and waterways near Green Bay, turning once-thriving ecosystems into watery graveyards. Just like the infamous Nosferatu, it sneaks in silently, looking creepy and leaving destruction in its wake—making it harder for native fish to survive.

How to Fight It:

• Back programs like the Great Lakes Fishery Commission that work to manage the sea lamprey invasion.
• Follow fishing rules—some fish species help control the spread by feeding on lamprey larvae.
• Get involved in watershed conservation efforts to stop these aquatic vampires from expanding their reach.

Where It Strikes: Beaches, Parks, and Shorelines

Like Frankenstein’s monster, Trashenstein is cobbled together from every discarded bottle, wrapper, and bag. With every piece of trash, it surges back to life—“It’s aliiive!”—growing larger and more destructive. Trashenstein clogs rivers, traps animals in plastic, and turns parks into horror scenes that even Victor Frankenstein would fear. The more litter left behind, the harder it is to stop this monster from rampaging across shorelines and waterways.

How to Fight It:

• Don’t litter—cut off Trashenstein’s lifeline.
• Join area clean-up efforts to dismantle the monster bit by bit.